PM Blog: Kimberly Wiefling

Increased Emotional Intelligence and Teamwork Through Snack Foods

2008-05-23T15:52:36-07:00

by Kimberly M. Wiefling, M.S.

Unless you've spent your entire project management career with your face bathed in the light of your computer monitor, you've probably come across the concept of emotional intelligence. Popularized by Daniel Goleman at the end of the last century, emotional intelligence, or "EQ," can be condensed to three criteria: self-awareness, the awareness of our impact on others, and the good sense to make better choices as a result of that awareness. (I'm not recommending increased awareness, mind you, because I was a heck of a lot happier when I thought other people were to blame for all of my problems. But if you want to be an effective project leader you'll probably have to risk it.)

There's no guarantee that a bunch of high EQ people will form a high EQ team (witness the US presidential campaign), but it's a good start. Reflecting on a couple of decades of working in project teams, I've had the opportunity to work in teams that that were emotionally intelligent, and in teams with the collective EQ of a scallop. Emotionally intelligent teams are a lot more fun, and get way better results. The Enneagram, available from The Enneagram Institute and numerous other sources, is one tool that I've found extremely useful for increasing the EQ of a team. It's a model consisting of nine different strategies for getting things done, and the motivations that drive those strategies. Like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), DiSC, Belbin Team Inventory, and dozens of other such tools, it can be misused to categorize people into confining behavioral boxes, and contorted in a search for confirming evidence that they belong in that box. But, wielded with care, this tool can reveal aspects of our own behavior that were previously blind spots, opening a door to understanding the behavior of ourselves and other people that might have previously been characterized as irritating, strange, or just plain sociopathic.

While the Enneagram is just way too rich of a tool to be completely described in a brief article, here's a whirlwind tour, based on a bag of M&M candies. I've found this a quick, fun and illuminating way to introduce teams to the Enneagram, and very useful in helping them work together more effectively. In order to fully appreciate the rest of this article you'll need to stop reading right now and run out to the store to buy a bag of M&Ms (you know, the candy coated chocolates that melt in your mouth, but not in your hands). Once you've got the little buggers, tear the bag open and spill them onto a plate. What do you see? At first this may seem like an easy question to answer, but not so fast! You might be surprised to learn that I typically get as many different responses to this as there are types of seafood at a Tokyo fish market. People see the world very differently, even a pile of colored M&Ms.

As simple as it is, this exercise vividly and undeniably illustrates the spectrum of strategies that people use to get things done in project teams. I've been doing this exercise for years all over the world with groups of people who want to learn to work more effectively together. Before we begin I must warn you that we humans tend to prefer our own strategies over those of others, and judge other strategies as deficient, or even downright wrong. That's akin to judging someone inferior because they are left-handed instead of right-handed, something that was common practice in the US a mere 50 years ago. Different doesn't equal deficient. There are many paths to truth. People use different strategies because they work! We each just happen to develop a strong preference for our particular favorite approaches. That doesn't mean we're right and other people are wrong, but it sure does feel like that sometime!

Don't eat all of the M&Ms quite yet. The first step is to get your project team to take the Enneagram assessment. Then group people according to which of the nine strategies they prefer most strongly. Give each group a small bag of M&Ms—not the super-size bag, for pity's sake, the bite-size a normal human being could eat in one sitting. Ask each group to pour the candy out onto a plate and give them 2 minutes to write down a description of what they've got. Then have each group share their description, which is where the real fun happens. It's always amazing to me how different a bag of M&Ms can appear to different people! Let's have a look at what typically happens.

The ONE Strategy – Being Perfect

At their best, people in this group think that their behavior is reasonable and objective. The dark side is that they wonder why people don't listen to them, since they are right most of the time. Give a bag of M&Ms to a group of people who rely heavily on this approach to results and you are likely to find that their description of the M&Ms includes a list of the number containing cracks or chips. They're also likely to arrange them all with the "M" side up. This is the main reason that I recommend a small bag instead of the "party" size. These people will be there all day turning the M&Ms right side up! If you ever have open heart surgery, make sure your surgeon is an Enneagram ONE strategy. But if you need to get a "good enough" product to market on time, keep them out of the critical path!

The TWO Strategy – Being Connected

The doormat strategy, the upside here is behavior focused on being caring and helpful, but watch out when they start feeling taken for granted. They are inconsolable. Groups dominated by people who prefer this strategy usually end up having a wonderful time talking among themselves and eating the M&Ms, but may wonder why their bag contained fewer candies than the others. The project world is probably a bit too harsh for them, and they probably would be better off joining a non-profit. Nevertheless, if you happen to have one on your team, enjoy! They're usually really nice people.

The THREE Strategy – Being Outstanding

People in this group focus on being highly effective and looking good in front of others. For sure this group will finish describing the M&Ms first, and they'll do the best job of it. Be sure to give them lots of praise for doing such excellent work. Naturally they will suspect that the other groups are jealous of their accomplishment, but, never mind, they're better than everyone else, and that is what really matters. As long as the voice in their head keeps urging them onward you're sure to achieve great things on your project! Make sure they get all of the credit and they'll be happy.

The FOUR Strategy – Being Unique

Sensitive and intuitive, I've rarely met anyone in the project management world with this as their favorite strategy. I'm pretty sure that frustrated actors, tortured artists and goth teenagers tend to rely heavily on this one, though. If you do have one or two people who favor this strategy, chances are they'll make figure out ways to adorn their bodies with the M&Ms, or crush them into a paste and create a candy collage. At any rate, keep them off of the critical path. If they are on your critical path, let them go where no man has gone before, but be sure they are back by 5 PM for the status report! You just never know what's going to happen with this group.

The FIVE Strategy – Being Detached

Characterized as intelligent and perceptive, don't be surprised if this group reads the package, calculates the weight, in grams and ounces, per M&M, and arranges the candies into a histogram by color, in order of decreasing frequency. (Of course this group is so smart that they aren't at all surprised that no one else thought of this!) If you need to solve impossible problems, these guys will be more than up to the challenge. But if you ask them how they are feeling, well, be prepared to wait a good 8–10 seconds for an answer, or to be asked "Can I get back to you on that?"

The SIX Strategy – Being Secure

Committed and dependable, this group will be sure to follow your instructions carefully, so please clearly state what is to be done. They usually caution against the poor nutritional value of the M&Ms, and the vague dangers associated with eating this sort of thing. If the package is tattered in any way, this group can be counted upon to express concern about the age of the M&Ms, and whether they are still fit to eat. If there is only one of a certain color they may eat it, or otherwise dispose of it, so that it doesn't stick out like a sore thumb. Bottom line, these guys aren't taking any chances. And if something goes wrong in your project, it's definitely not their fault! They warned you, but you wouldn't listen.

The SEVEN Strategy – Being Excited

Happy and enthusiastic, this group is definitely the gang that you want to put in charge of the end-of-project celebration. People who prefer this strategy usually describe how bright, shiny and colorful the M&Ms are. They're typically the only group that mentions smell and taste, and they will find the descriptions of the other groups somewhat boring, if not shocking, although they're usually too nice to say so. Transfer them into sales as soon as possible!

The EIGHT Strategy – Being Powerful

Strong and assertive are the words they'll likely use to describe themselves, but they are also called other, less flattering, names by those using a more timid strategy. They eight strategy can be pretty bossy, so make sure that these guys don't take the M&Ms from the other groups, or try to tell everyone how to do the exercise. They also won't like having to wait until almost last to share their description, either, but torture them be skipping them and letting the nine group go before them. Don't be surprised if they are deeply hurt, because the eight strategy masks an emotional well deeper than a plumber's gluteal furrow.

The NINE Strategy – Being Peaceful

Easy-going and tranquil, this group won't mind being the last to share their description, and will probably agree with pretty much everything that everyone else said, especially if that makes it possible to avoid a conflict with those in the other groups.

If we can have this range of responses to a simple task like describing a pile of M&Ms, it's no wonder that working in project teams sometimes pushes our hot buttons. Working with people who see the world the same way as we do might be easier than a collection of diverse human beings with their own peculiarities. But imagine a baseball team where all nine players were excellent pitchers, but no one could hit worth a damn or catch a fly ball to save their life. That team wouldn't have much of a chance of success, and neither will your team if you don't cover the field of needs on your project. Don't just tolerate . . . embrace the diversity on your team! If we all see things the same then we only need one person.

There is a bright side and a shadow side to each of the approaches. Everyone can, and does, use each of these strategies to some extent. But, just like most people have a preference for which hand they use for writing, each person tends to over-rely on a couple of their favorite ones. Try signing your name with the hand opposite the one that you normally use. Sure, you can do it, but it takes a lot more concentration, is more tedious, and the results are often messy, looking more like the scratching of a school kid. With practice you would improve the speed and skill with which you could write this way, just like practicing different strategies will increase your skill in applying approaches other than your preferred ones. Which one's right? Mine, of course!

Email me and guess my top two favorite strategies and you'll win a signed copy of my Scrappy Project Management book, available at fine bookstores everywhere, and busily propping up many computer monitors to the right height around the world.

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Being a Great Project Leader with a Mortgage and Kids in College

2008-04-10T11:25:17-07:00

by Kimberly M. Wiefling, M.S.

One of the strong beliefs that I have about effective project leadership is that it cannot be done by someone who has a mortgage, kids in college, or a spouse who doesn't work. I don't have kids, my spouse does work, and I am totally open to living in my car, if necessary. In my experience, a project leader must often operate in an environment where the very people who sign their paychecks are also the biggest obstacles to success. That's why I developed Scrappy Project Management, a take-no-prisoners approach to getting the job done no matter what, with little or no regard for your own professional future beyond the end of the project.

But some people have asked what can be done if they DO rely on their job for the little niceties of life, like food, shelter, electricity and running water. And even I admit that my perspective is rather polarized—even cynical. There are some perfectly effective project managers who manage to maintain good working relationships with uncooperative executives, vendors, team members and customers. After deep reflection on the matter, I am forced to admit that tact and diplomacy, while somewhat time consuming, may still have a place in the project leader's toolkit.

Turn Down the Heat!

The environment surrounding a project can be a real pressure cooker. And the commitment of some project managers is so great that they take on a burden greater than any normal human being can carry. Whatever tact and diplomacy they brought into the situation can suffer under the crushing weight of ultimate responsibility for a project that seems, if only momentarily, to matter more than life itself. This could be due to the poor judgment on the part of the leader who doesn't know their own limits, lack of personal maturity, or stunted growth in the emotional intelligence department. Or it could simply be an act of self-deception, using the urgency of project goals as a means for justifying thoughtless behavior or needlessly cruel acts. That's what I concluded when I took a good hard look at some of my own behavior in my early days.

One of the biggest mistakes made as a novice project manager was burning bridges that I would later need to walk across. Heck, I was a friggin' arsonist! If someone on my team didn't do their action item, I'd chew their behind and then came back and do it again before it even had a chance to heal.

Nothing sticks in my mind so clearly as the day I told the VP of Engineering the he was the #2 biggest risk to our success, and taunted him into asking "What's the #1 biggest risk?" I was only too happy to tell him it was our CEO. These well-meaning execs would pop in and ask about status, interrupting the work of the person on the critical path, and then lob out the dreaded "What would it take to add this teensy weensy little feature to this revision?" What a change management nightmare! Try putting THAT into your schedule! I even went so far as to put up a sign on the door of a critical design engineer basically saying "Hey, you – CEO and VP of Engineering guys – STAY OUT of this office!"

My extreme measures did manage to keep these meddlers out of our way long enough to ship the product on schedule in spite of ridiculous deadlines and impossible requests from a customer I couldn't intimidate as easily. But my feet got pretty scorched walking over the flaming hot coals of the bridges that I burned as I came to need the cooperation of these unfortunate souls at some future date.

No Jerks Allowed

It's a small world, and the relationships forged in our work will outlast the projects, maybe even the companies. According to Dr. Robert Sutton of the Stanford Graduate School of Business, and the author of The No Asshole Rule, acting like a jerk, even for a worthy cause, is now officially banned in some companies. First published as an article for the Harvard Business Review, there's now even a test to see how much of an asshole you are. (I'll send a free autographed copy of my book to the first 10 people to correctly guess my score. Just send an email to kimberly@wiefling.com with your estimate. Two significant figures to the left of the decimal only, please! No need to get down to tenths of a percent, you engineering guys.)

I can think of very few projects worth destroying valuable relationships over. OK, maybe if you're trying to end human stupidity, stop global warming, or bring back the 60's. But for the most part, I've regretted sacrificing relationships to hardware and software milestones. Yes, we need to be determined. Yes, we need to be persistent, even relentless. But, as one person who was unlucky enough to be my boss during this era said, "There's a difference between scratching your rear and ripping it to pieces!"

The "And" Stance

So, what if you are 100% absolutely committed to successfully achieve the goals of the project but there are uncooperative people whose behavior flies in the face of reason, good judgment and common sense? You don't have to choose between "effective project leadership" or "effective working relationships". In fact, one supports the other. Without effective working relationships we won't have the necessary buy-in and support that we need to succeed; and the moment we turn our backs we'll find a knife in it, or the action stops altogether. We simply must find ways to achieve both successful results and successful relationships. Instead of either/or thinking, we need to take what the Harvard Negotiation Project (HNP) calls the "AND" stance.

As project managers, we are nothing if not the world's most active negotiators, using influence rather than direct authority to obtain resources, build commitment, and reach agreement in every aspect of our work. Influencing without authority is the essence of negotiation, and every project leader needs to learn the essentials of negotiation in order to reduce the temptation to resort to more destructive ways to achieve frequently fleeting results. HNP is best known for developing the theory of "principled negotiation", which is thoroughly discussed in a real jewel of a book called Getting to YES: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. Although this book was published more than 25 years ago, it is still completely relevant and a very worthwhile read. Even better, listen to the audio recording while stuck in traffic. The principled negotiation approach can be summed up as "letting the other guy have your way", and consists of the following four guidelines:

PEOPLE: Separate the People from the Problem. Don't let your personal dislike of someone's style, manner or opinions become an obstacle to your success. Attack issues together, rather than each other. Stay focused on jointly solving the problem, and keep your negative personal opinions about others to yourself. As a leader you no longer have the luxury of gossiping.
INTERESTS: Focus on Interests not Positions. Most people fall immediately into advocating for their positions and then struggling to convince the other person of the correctness of their view. Rarely do people take the time to dig beneath the surface to discover the interests behind their positions. What ensues is often no more creative than offering to "split the difference", leaving untold possibilities undiscovered.
OPTIONS: Generate Options for Mutual Gain before Choosing. There's a real temptation to argue over two choices instead of generating a third. Peeking behind positions to the interests motivating them can reveal a world of possibilities better than either initial proposal. If you really want to expand what's possible, insist on generating at least two or three additional ideas before coming to agreement. This process reduces the chances that either you or your colleague will stubbornly stick to your initial views.
OBJECTIVE CRITERIA: Avoid a bitter contest of wills by using objective standards to make decisions. Review the actual performance of past projects to resolve differences of opinion about schedule and budget. Refer to industry standards rather than bull-headed insistence that someone trust you because you know better.

In addition to using principled negotiation, you might also benefit from including the quality of your relationships among your goals for the project (See Geof Lory's recent column for a more extensive discussion of this.) Or try imagining for a few minutes that the other person is just as committed to you to the project success but has a different way of showing it. Oh, and get a little more sleep so you're not so exhausted! It's a lot easier to be patient when you're not sleep deprived. Using your powerful influencing skills will result in you being considered intelligent, experienced, confident and reasonable. You may even find that you rather enjoy embracing adversaries in the dance of diplomacy, instead of acting like a jerk.

Your reputation for how you treat people will follow you, and will take years to change even after you make changes in your behavior. Although I'm still willing to trade results for relationships in certain situations, I'm much more likely to search for more mutually agreeable ways to achieve ridiculous goals on impossible projects. After all, it's a very small planet.

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Wild Success in 2008 through Optimism and High Self-esteem

2008-04-10T11:16:26-07:00

by Kimberly M. Wiefling, M.S.

In spite of much rhetoric on the subject, and the holy grail of the triple constraint, you cannot measure your entire worth as a project leader, or the success of your project, purely by whether they are on-time, on-budget, and feature-complete. In fact, to do so could create a negative spiral that further undermines your chances of success.

Marcus Buckingham, of First Break All the Rules fame, argues in The One Thing You Need to Know that people and teams do not perform at their best when they are realistic. Great managers get the best performance from people when they build their self-assurance to the point of helping them to become unrealistically optimistic. And great leaders achieve the best from their organizations when they rally people to a better future and get them to be unrealistically optimistic about the prospects that things will get better.

Optimism is a Strategy

Unrealistic optimism and high self-esteem are key factors in individual and team success. However the project management environment isn't exactly brimming with unbridled optimism and positive reinforcement. Quite the opposite. Many projects are highly challenging, some are carried out in unsupportive environments, and sometimes success is measured only by what percent of some impossible task was achieved. It can be tough to maintain a sunny outlook and glowing self-image when so much of the data coming from the outside world seems to be saying, at least on the worst days, "You've screwed up again! You're doomed! Run for your life!"

If you have only encountered effortless and wildly successful projects, you may not be able to relate to these rather extreme statements. This article is for those of you who feel awash in the morass of a project bouncing between inadequacy and disaster; those leading your first project; those feeling despair at repeated setbacks and inefficiencies; those of you who have seen many projects come and go, but have to admit with some chagrin that you haven't seen many good ones.

While research has proven that negative people appear smarter, Marcus Buckingham's work indicates that optimism must be part of the strategy of every project manager who intends to get the best performance from themselves and their teams. But how can we create and maintain optimism in ourselves and our teams when so many projects in so many organizations suffer from similar, recurrent, and entirely predictable problems like those represented in this cartoon?

(Graphic from Scrappy Project Management: The 12 Predictable and Avoidable Pitfalls Every Project Faces, 2007.)

This diagram is an amalgam of the worst aspects of projects that I've experienced over the past two decades. Upon seeing it, quite a few people have felt an irresistible urge to contact me to inquire how I knew so much about the way projects happen in their companies. Had I been watching them through some kind of clandestine video? Did I have inside information form a mole in their organization? Was I somehow tapping into their email? Although this graphic, as well as the book as a whole, is certainly based on real situations, most of these people were simply projecting their own situations onto some universal experiences in the project management world.

You Are Not Alone!

We all seem to think that we're the only ones having these kinds of problems. The project management literature can be a bit academic, and sometimes gives the impression that all projects will yield to the right tool, technique, or management approach. It's a little embarrassing to admit that we are having these kinds of problems if we believe the no one else is. But you would be stunned-stunned, I say-at the number of other people out there who feel exactly as you do about their current seemingly hopeless project, team, or executive.

A couple of months ago I published my first book, Scrappy Project Management: The 12 Predictable and Avoidable Pitfalls Every Project Faces. It's a humorous, although decidedly blunt, exposé of what really happens in real projects in the real world. The kinds of projects I've worked on always seemed a bit insane and drove me a bit crazy. That's why I wrote the book, after all. I wanted those of you leading similar projects to know that you weren't alone. But I may have underestimated just how many crazy project environments there are out there. I've been truly surprised at how many people just like you have approached me saying things like, "Thank you for letting me know that it's not just me! I thought that I was the only person experiencing these kinds of problems. Now when my boss rips me for some of the things going on in our project that are in your book I realize that I'm not a failure as a project manager or a bad person. I'm normal!"

The position of a project manager is weighty, and it is easy to succumb to the illusion that you are responsible for everything that happens in the project. People say, "Don't take it personally." But, when the people on a team are working their butts off and pulling all kinds of miracles out of various bodily orifices, believe me, it's personal. (No one does this kind of thing just for a paycheck!) New project managers are especially prone to thinking that the problems they encounter in their projects are the result of some inadequacy on their part. Oh, sure, that could be an explanation, as there are incompetent people everywhere. (I never rule out incompetence on my part as a possible cause of failure.) But some challenges are common to many projects regardless of the skill of the person at the helm. All around the planet customers demand the sun and the moon for the price of a peanut-sized meteorite, team members can't seem to complete action items without incessant reminders, and executives continue to display an enviable disconnection from the harsh realities of the business world. Sometimes it's not you.

A very recent and popular book, Fooled by Randomness by Nassim Nicholas Taleb (also the author of an even more popular book, The Black Swan), explores the tendency of humans to mistake luck for skill. These books may be just the light reading that you're seeking for the new year. If you are in danger of growing an over-inflated ego due to a recent project win, or plunged into despair from a recent disaster, you'll gain a new perspective from Taleb's argument that both outcomes are more than likely due to random chance. Yes, there are always ways that you can make the outcome of a project better or worse. But there are places where projects sail on a ship of fools, and it's often only by some fortuitous combination of diligence and luck that anything whatsoever gets done. The many uncontrollable circumstances surrounding a project contribute to the occasional lucky success in some poorly run projects, and a few unfortunate failures even in some well led projects.

Imagine that you flip a coin in the air. While it is spinning through the air you call out heads or tails to predict how it will land. If you choose heads but the coin lands tail up, did you make a bad choice? Not really. There was a 50% chance that you would be successful-better than the odds in many projects according to the statistics. Heads was an excellent choice. Unfortunately, the outcome was unfavorable.

While projects aren't exactly coin tosses, I want those of you who apply some reasonable rigor to your project management process to know that a good choice does not necessarily result in a good outcome. It's not you! Even the most savvy project leaders with hundreds of projects to their credit experience nasty surprises and agonizing chronic ills in their projects. Even the most inept hit a home run once in a while.

I hope that this comes as a relief to those of you who are either new to the project leader role, or those of you who are laboring alone in organizations where you are the sole lantern bearer of sensible project management process discipline. Project leaders bear a huge amount of responsibility for project success while frequently having little direct control over the circumstances in which their teams operate. Give yourself a break! (I make it a rule never to care more about the project than the executives responsible for the results.)

Sure Projects Are Risky, but At Least They're Not Deadly

Recently there was a special on Animal Planet called "Grizzly Man" about this guy, Timothy Treadwell, who lived among the bears in Alaska every summer for over a dozen years. He camped in a tent right in the midst of their territory, a place called "The Grizzly Maze," and even managed to touch a few of the bears who got to know him. He loved those bears.

Eventually, some people might say inevitably, a bear killed and ate most of him and his girlfriend. It was awful, regrettable, and yet unsurprising to those who know grizzlies. Grizzly bears can weigh over 500 kilograms, some stand over 2 meters tall, and they run over 50 kilometers/hour. Bears are wild animals. Left to themselves they don't bother humans, but over the decades bears have killed dozens of people in the US alone. Some were attacked along a trail or in the bush, but others were pulled from their tents, or even attacked inside of campers and houses where the bear trespassers broke in. No matter how cute they are, or how many teddy bears you had as a kid, they can be dangerous! Anyone who repeatedly rubs elbows with a grizzly bear shouldn't be surprised if they get injured in the process. Too bad bears don't have warning signs on them that say "I may be cute, but make no mistake; I can rip your guts out with one swipe of my claw." But lest we lose our grip on the wispy fabric of optimism, let's remember that he did manage to live closely among the bears for 12 years without being harmed-no small feat.

Here's to Courageous Project Leaders!

Leading projects is risky business, too, and maybe there should be warning signs here too. Perhaps each project should bear (no pun intended!) a sign like those at amusement parks: "People with a history of recent surgery, heart trouble/high blood pressure, neck trouble, back trouble, or any other condition that may be aggravated by stress, should carefully heed all warning signs at the project kick-off. If you are in doubt about your ability to safely experience a project, please refrain from taking the ride in the first place."

No matter how dangerous, there will still be people who try to pet bears, and there will still be people who lead and manage projects, and fortunately so! Imagine if suddenly there were no people willing to take on the seemingly impossible challenges of leading a project. A whole lot of things suddenly wouldn't get done. A lot less mistakes would be made, but a lot less progress too.

Those of you who are leading teams against tough odds need to remember that you are not alone in the challenges that you face. Project management can be rough, sometimes it's tough, and a lot of what you are experiencing is perfectly normal in projects all around the world. That's no reason to give up and run screaming into the night. Measure your worth by the strength of your commitment to the team and to the results, and stop beating yourself up because you're not super-human. And don't let anyone talk you out of your optimistic attitude and your belief in yourself. You're going to need them, because they're your edge in achieving the results that mean so much to you, your team, and your company. Congratulations on having the courage to lead where others fear to even tip-toe!

For another perspective on how we confuse new project managers (by not telling them what's actually expected of them) see Cinda Voegtli's article this week: Evolution of a Project Manager

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